The relationship between man and woman has always been problematic. It is not as shown in movies, songs, love stories or novels. Reality is different and sometimes, diagonally opposite. These liars should be prosecuted for misleading people. They cut us from grass root reality and lead us to fairy’s land. They tell us that love exists and there is an ideal form of love as shown in their medium. The reality is totally different. Neither there is any ideal love nor an ideal relationship. Everybody is in search of true love, but nobody knows except story writers. Whatever they show us, we begin searching that. Nobody gets true love, yet people think that there is true love. People are really imaginative and creative.
Everybody is singing a song of betrayal. Everybody thinks s/he is not getting what is due to him. Everybody feels cheated. It is doomed to happen because there is nothing like true love. Every relationship is doomed to fail because you cannot get a thing which does not exist.
Both parties have their fantasies about romantic love which have roots in the same TV programs, movies, songs, literature, etc. These things manufacture love. There is nothing natural and spontaneous in love, it is merely a social and mental construction. Both parties have endless expectations that are never going to be fulfilled and every relationship comes at compromise, finally.
Every relationship is a compromise. Both parties bargain with each other for favorable terms. If they come at agreement then the relationship continues. Otherwise, they go for divorce or breakup. Compromise is the foundation of any relationship, not love.
Love is an emotion like anger, sympathy, and jealousy. It is momentary. It can be a foundation of a momentary relationship only. There is nothing eternal in love. Eternal love is a myth. My love is not permanent than my anger or comparison. It is a momentary emotional stage. Life long relationship is not possible on the momentary foundation. It only begins a relationship, rest is taken care of by compromise. Love is only a bat.
I would like to give testimony of two philosophers in favor of my thesis. First is Jean-Paul Sartre and the second is Jacques Lacan.
For Sartre Freedom was everything. He writes that lovers want to be loved, but not by someone who has taken love coerce. He wants to be loved by someone who has freely chosen to love him. (The kind of possession we seek in love is different totally) from possessions of this thing because these things cannot possess us back. But, the reality of romantic love is not blissful, mutual respect emerging freedom. Far from, love is conflict.
The loved person wants the other’s love, needs her help to reveal what he is. Yet doing this he risks transforming himself from a subject into object, becoming a mere possession constrained by her vision and gets worse.
As a loved one, the lover does not want his lovers to love of him to an end, does not want her to find love elsewhere. That is not anything a free person can guarantee. Real freedom is the freedom to change your mind, freedom to fall out of love. For Sartre, love is hazardous. It sees the masochism or sadism. Masochism, when a lover tries to become what his lover wants him to be and in the process denies his own freedom. Sadism, when a lover treats the loved one as an object and ties her down. Either way, freedom is compromised and love becomes a painful struggle.
Jacques Lacan makes negative comments about love. There is no such thing as a sexual relationship. Men and women don’t exist. The man knows nothing about the woman, and a woman knows nothing about the man. We truly do not comprehend our lovers and simply peg a range of fantasies draw from childhood experiences to their physical forms.
Sartre and Lacan are two leading figures who deny the possibility of love. These people are not against love. They simply expose what is happening underneath the trademark of Love. Really, I have a problem with trade agents of love. Unfortunately, sex and love are the most sold things. They are not only sold, but they can sell other things as well. No advertisement is possible without the flavor of love and sex. (Love or sex is no real problem but its trade agents are a real problem). If you cannot write anything then write about love. Parasites on love are real problems.
There never had been anything like romantic love. A relationship has always been problematic and feminists have made it more complex, now. Feminists are agreeable in many aspects. Women’s emancipation is not possible within love or sex. If they want autonomy or freedom they have to reject these things. Love, sex, marriage, family, and consumerism, etc. are pro-establishment and no liberation is possible within the establishment. (Feminists are right in criticizing every establishment especially sex, love, marriage, and family. They should categorically deny these four things).
We fall in love because we have grown listening to love stories. Love is not possible unless we hear about it. It is a by-product of language because language creates reality. But, very soon we recognize the harsh reality that relationship is not possible.
